A new start

Last time I wrote on here I was living with my ex and his sister and he was having to girls over. I knew them as they were friends of his. Long story short, he fucked one of them and I moved out.

I am now over my ex which is an amazing thing for me as I never thought I would get over him. But I treasure the memories we had and all the things he did to help me with my OCD and depression. I may dislike the man he is now, but I loved the man he was once before.

I have now newly started dating a guy and I am really happy.We have tried on and off, but today we are giving it a new try. Of course OCD doesn’t let you be happy for long, does it?

ROCD has taken a good go at me. I am just sitting here now past midnight on my christmas holiday worrying that I might have done something with other guys when me and this guy were dating on and off. Nothing I say to myself makes me feel better, and sadly I am spamming him with OCD mails and sms seeking reassurance that it is fine if anything happend and it all counts from today. It’s hard to know what you have and what you have not done when you get false memories or have such a strong doubt in you.

Dating is REALLY hard for me, but I like him so much that I am willing to put myself through the OCD shit. I am just trying not to drag him down with me as these are my problems. I am having problems with ROCD when it comes to being around men in general.

– Did I go close to him to try and kiss him? The guy I am dating said don’t worry about it, does that mean I can go around and do this as long as I don’t kiss?

– Did I just go near that guys ass to touch it? Did I touch it for on purpose?

– Did I bend down to show my boobs off to that guy?

– passing by that guy, did I for purpose rub my vagina against him?

A few thoughts I am dealing with. Tonight I had a glass of wine with the family and freaked out after wondering did I leave the house? If I did then I must have cheated or done something?

My new challenge is to figure out how to not tell the new guy I am dating all my worries and fears..it’s ofc a compulsion that needs to be stopped. I just feel sooo guilty when I think I have done something 😦 So hard…

I am trying to enjoy my x-mas holidays as much as possible, but at the same time of OCD I miss him so much too xD

I am longing to go back on the 29th to just see him again. Yay!!

Perks of falling in love 😉