Life is forever changing

by Ocdismylife

Hello.

I am back. Back with severe depression..this depression has been on going since my break up in 2014 with my love of my life. My OCD really didn’t occur that often, but now it has come alive with the depression.

 

ROCD? Hell no, no boyfriend, so no ROCD. POCD is back with revenge. Blah! I’ve been working as a teacher now for 6 months and I love my job. The job and the kids really help with my depression. I feel like I’m not alone when I am at work, but at the same time it’s hard working when I am so down.

I have now got an appointment to see a therapist (OCD therapist) in January. I never thought I would need to go back and get help to be honest. I felt I had control, but I guess a break-up can really fuck up your OCD.

My love life sucks, but then again so does my social life. I have no friends after moving, one of my friends couldn’t handle my negativity and mood swings so she said she didn’t want to have contact anymore. The other two don’t need me anymore as I don’t party as much like before when I was a student. So ya.. I am really lonely. It’s hard. I have never ever EVER been this bad when it comes to suicidal thoughts and urges. I mean I have had it tons of times before, but I felt I always had a reason to live which was the love of my life. Now I struggle from not doing any harm to myself, even though I think about it all the time. I’ve slowly started a bad habit of taking tablets when I don’t really need it. Nothing serious though. 1 or 2..Can be anything from paracetamol or Ibux, to anxiety pills which I don’t really need.

Well life seems to move forward, and I’m still stuck in the past.

Awesome x