Anger management (18 + beware of swearing)

(Beware of a lot of swearing)

You ruin my life. You have done it for 23 fucking years. Just continue doing it, makes no difference you always have. I wouldn’t know who I was without you. You piece of shit, I wish I could grab you by the neck and twist until you are unable to breath. You deserve to die a slow death.

You fucked up my childhood, you fucked up my early teens, but you really fucked up when I turned 18. You just grew into a worse monster where you deliberately made me feel worthless. You won’t stop. Why the fuck won’t you stop? I deserve happiness, I deserve to have what everyone else has. You ruined my last relationship and now you are tearing at my new one. Go on you bastard, rip me apart. Fuck me, it’s what you do best.

I thought I could do this, I could get through this by being strong, but you just grow stronger and stronger and I become so fucking weak. I’m not able anymore, so come depression. Come. Take over me and my life. Make me cry, make me wonder how it is to feel dead. How it is to feel so peaceful and restful. Go ahead.

That’s what you do best, isn’t it? Sure you can be kind sometimes and give me a break here and there. But when you come back for more, you don’t waste no time. You know you are going to give me an early death, you’re going to ruined my life slowly, everything I have worked for, everything I want and have, you are going to break down slowly.

COME ON, I’M WAITING YOU FUCKING MUG.

This too shall pass…

No it fucking won’t. It passes but it fucking comes back even stronger.

Dear God I miss being happy. I miss my smile, my laughter. I’m so used to my frown and my tears. The pain I feel never leaves, and no matter who I talk to it never leaves. What will it take to be normal? The use of alcohol? The use of drugs? Please tell me, because me being strong doesn’t work..