Things are weird with me

by Ocdismylife

Suddenly I feel like I am not disabled anymore. I am just ok. And ok is good.

I feel stronger in such a weird way, I have come to realize my fear of liking sexual thoughts and fantasies of kids is OCD. Why? Because all of it matches up with the OCD traits.

I know on my last post I worried it was not OCD, because I thought I had OCD before about fear of being able to be attracted to a 15/16 y old and that became true. But now I have realized I never had OCD about that, I had OCD about being a hepiphil, which I am not. It is not unusal to be attarcted to a 15/16 year old at times.

Mister X contacted me..I know! After no contact for 2 months he suddenly sends me a few sms wondering how I am. We got a convo going and it suddenly came down to, shall we give us a try again. I then asked him could he garantee me he would never turn his back on me when I have my dark days..

He said he could not guarantee that. So I told him we would not work out. You have no idea how hard it was to say that. I am inlove with this man, and 2 months ago I would have done anything to hold him again. But I realize now I have needs that not everyone else has, and I need a man to accept and support my OCD.

He can not do this…

two months ago I would have never thought I would have said no, but here I am and I know what I need and I know what I want.